I don't got this.

Friends, it has been a week, such a week that I'm totally slacking on so many areas right now. I could blame it on allergies caused by Houston's lovely up and down weather. But really, that would be too easy and would just be a cop-out. I'm just plain lazy. A week ago, Doug and I were talking nonstop about this house we bid on . . . what appliances we needed, paint for the walls, what to sell, what to buy, the timeline for a new car, the timeline for expanding our little two person family, and money, money, money. We went to sleep Sunday night exhausted and a little anxious, knowing what Monday morning would bring- the verdict on our bid for the house. Well, it wasn't what we wanted; it was a big fat, "no." Ever since this past Monday, I've been telling myself over and over again that God has a better house for us in better timing. It's so easy to get frustrated, especially as a girl. I love having that control, that feeling of "I've got this!" And Monday's news was just a swift punch in the gut. I cringe when I still see the house listed on har.com as "contract pending," and pout (just a little) when I scan over the other houses up for grabs, seeing that I'm just not as in love with those as I was with the one we bid on.

I'm reading a book right now called, "Not a Fan," and it's just been reminding me of what I used to do before feeling changed. If this were a year ago, I would have done my typical bargaining with God. You know, "Hey God, it's me Stephanie. How about we strike a deal? I'll do bible study every day, do a few random acts of kindness, maybe even volunteer somewhere, and pray before every meal. And You, well, You can give me a house. Sound good?" That was my view of who God is and how God works before. I thought that my works would be an even trade for blessings. Not exactly how it works . . and thankfully, too. I never held up my end of the bargain, because I'm not perfect. I was a user. A person who just wanted a relationship with God for the benefits, and would then get angry with Him when he didn't give up the goods. That was back when I thought I had all the control and threw a tantrum when things didn't go my way. This "Not a Fan" book has opened my eyes to how ridiculous I was, and how I don't ever want to go back to that. That's why every day, I don't bargain with Christ . . he's already given up the goods. He gave me EVERYTHING. When I pray, it's to say, "Hey Jesus, it's your stubborn daughter. I'm having a hard time, and I need your help. I can't do this on my own, and I'm failing. Just help me. Amen." And ever single time, I feel peace afterwards, because I know He will help.

Anyways . . that's my current struggle. I'm failing in a bunch of areas, but every day is a new day, and every day I just try to be a better friend/daughter/wife/photographer or to sum it all up, a better Christian.

So to move on, here is my second week of my 365 project (I will admit to cheating . . some photos are from the same day).