Hope.

As of Thursday night, I think my medication is finally starting to work! Thank GOD! After months and months of feeling scared, anxious, depressed, and just not myself, I'm finally able to laugh, smile, and even joke around. It's as if a nasty weight has been lifted off my heart. Now, that's not to say that I don't have hard days and nights, but now they seem less and less.

I'm facing a daily struggle- one that has been a stormy cloud over my soul for twenty years, and I know that being honest with myself, instead of trying to tuck it away, means that I can stop running.

It's so easy to put on a mask, going through those routines and habits that have become so comfortable, creating a personality for others- that is easy once learned. It's habit. And any habit becomes easy.

The hardest part- the part that so many people give up so easily on- is being honest about what's really going on. Breaking habits, peeling off the layers of lies, the fake or borrowed bits of your personality, and truly facing who you are in the mirror.

As a society, we hate to show weakness. We are taught to keep our heads up, keep quiet, and keep moving. In some ways that's okay- but it's when we use that to ignore the hurt and pain that we have endured, that this process is wrong.

There are times in our lives when we NEED to be weak and show vulnerability, otherwise, all the pain will catch up and we have to be stronger than we ever thought possible.

I'm there. I'm facing it. I'm being honest, and I can finally admit that right now I am weak- but I know that truly, with the help of my amazing friends, the unconditional love of my family, and the faith that comes from above, that I WILL get through this and I will no longer drag this evil burden with me.


"Let not your heart be troubled, you are trusting God, now trust in Me"
-John 14:1