I know it's been quite a bit since I've written in here- so much has been going on, it's been tough to stop and reflect. It's nearly 8:30 in the morning. I've gotten maybe 5 hours of sleep, and I'm still battling a sinus headache that just wants to hang in there above my left eye; yet, I'm here, writing in this blog to share and reflect.
This past weekend I went to Dallas for my first Premier Designs Rally. Some of you know that soon after I moved home, I needed to make some money, and I took that step into the same business that my mom has been in for the past 9 years. My intent was to make money- I knew that it would be good for me to get into because it was flexible. I could create my own hours, and it would bring in money as I needed it for medical bills and payments lingering back in NYC. It was very hard at first, because as you know, I came home sick, not myself, and it was incredibly difficult to focus on anything, much less a business that I would soon call my own. My mom was amazing- and still is- in guiding me through communicating with hostesses, customers, and all that entails being a Premier Jeweler. Nothing was really sinking in, and right up until I got out of the hospital, she was doing almost everything for me- mailing letters, telling me every little thing to do, reminding me constantly to do this or that. I wasn't annoyed; I knew I needed that.
However, after I got out of the hospital, I had a short period of my very much missed independent mindset, and things that my mom had taught me began sticking. In the month of December, I held four home shows and somehow landed on my mom's top 5 for that month, and even on my Premier grandmother's top 10. I was floored, as Sheri, my sweet up level, had around 150 women underneath her, and in just one month after leaving a rehabilitation center, I had soared above them as number 8.
My independent mind frame wavered, as the medications from the hospital began settling into my body. I was a mess, trying to hold it all together, and made the quick decision to wean myself off all the medications I knew I didn't need. My relationship with my mom became strained. One minute I was begging her for help, the next I was telling her, "I got it! I don't need your help!" It was so confusing for her, as she had been my right hand since I had moved home. As January neared, I was becoming stronger and more like the person I knew I could be. I was reaching goals- personal and business that were in the past, seemingly unreachable.
Things were happening in my life that I fell into so comfortably, so willingly, with no hesitation. My heart was being warmed by my fellowship with those I had met in church, and those who shared a common passion in Premier. I was making smarter choices, recognizing errors and correcting them the moment they were brought to my attention, constantly striving to humble myself and move forward.
It has become incredibly apparent that I have a "servant's heart," one that is lead to help and sacrifice my time for others. I have so many things that have come in to try and tell me that I don't deserve anything wonderful that has come into my life, so many temptations to fall back down, so many manipulative thoughts to turn around, yet, here I am. Standing strong. Not backing down, but looking up and out.
Ever since I was in middle school, I took on the belief that everything happens for a reason- nothing is meant to be regretted. I still believe that. Even the most awful things that have happened in my past, whether is was the fault of my own, or the actions of others onto me- everything is just a step towards my present, a step into my future.
This past weekend, while listening to Andy, the founder of this biblically-based business that I am a part of, I realized how blessed I am in all my experiences, and how all of this has uplifted me. Premier has changed me- I am now a servant. It's not about money, it's about people, and it just warms my heart, and gives me so many reasons to wake up early on a Monday morning, with a sinus headache and maybe 5 hours of sleep behind me, to share.
I'm still struggling. My life is not perfect. I am still trying hard to fight debt. I am still battling my fears and awful patterns that lie in my past, trying so desperately to place themselves in my present. I have my setbacks and bad days. But at this moment, at 8:41 in the morning, I feel driven, with a purpose, to move on.
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